Home alone

After months of unemployment, I finally have a new job. Beats me how I ended up with it – I’m hardly qualified, I have very little experience, and the pay is way below what I was making before. But then, come to think of it, there wasn’t much to the interview process, and nobody even asked to see my resume. My new boss can’t read or talk coherently, in fact… and he drools an awful lot.

Yes, with Jennifer finally starting her new career late last month, I officially have become a stay-at-home dad. No longer am I merely sharing parenting responsibilities or finding time to do simple things, like putting on deodorant. Nope – these days from around 9am to 6pm, I am the lone adult, completely at the will of a two-foot tall person who lately has developed a habit of punching himself in the face.

Granted, I did have some practice when Jennifer was home, but it’s certainly a different ballgame when you do this sort of thing by yourself. For instance, I have no one to turn to now when Kyle spits up all over himself and my shirt. I also have no one to turn to when, after I put on a new shirt and change Kyle, the little guy spits up on everything again. Conversations around the apartment have also changed. What once was a discussion like this…

“So, do you think this economy will turn around?”
“Of course it will. The economy goes in cycles. If the rescue plan and proposed tax cuts work right, and if something can be done about this mortgage crisis, eventually investors and consumers will regain confidence and spend more, and that will create jobs and lead us back towards prosperity."
"I see."

... has become this...

“So, do you think this economy will turn around?”
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" *BURP*
"I see."

Our discussions about global warming and the upcoming season of Lost have gone pretty much the same way. I spend each day trying to reason with someone who screams a lot, whines, and barks orders without making any sense. It's not like I haven't been through this before. After all, I did work in news. But this time around I have actual responsibility, and I have less of a clue as to what I am doing.


(Above: Mistake #241 - Dad takes his son to a vegan convention)

It's a learning experience, and sometimes you have to make mistakes to get things right the next time around. For example, only a few days ago I was clipping Kyle's fingernails when I accidentally clipped off the top of one of his fingers. There was a lot of crying and blood, but in the end we realized that, hey, he still has nine other fingers and you can definitely get by with that. So it wasn't so bad. I'll just have do better next time.

Here's the best part: even if I don't succeed, my boss can't fire me! That is, until he's of legal age, and by then I would have overcome my mistakes or have shipped him off to a boarding school. So right now my job is safe... and with this economy, you can't ask for anything more.