Your crib or mine?

Our son isn't much of a smooth talker, but he sure knows how to treat the ladies. Kyle can't converse, walk, or even use the bathroom yet, but he certainly knows how to flirt. It's hard for us to travel anywhere these days without him going on the prowl.

I knew babies had this knack of drawing a crowd. I used to blame this on adults, as most people are always looking for a reason to make silly faces or embarrassing sounds. Yet, I realize now that Kyle is just as guilty. You can see it in the look in his eyes - he knows what he's doing, and he's not afraid to play games with the vulnerable hearts of many.

His method is simple - once he locks his stare at a victim, his mouth opens, his wide grin shoves aside those chubby cheeks, and he eyes start glowing hypnotically. The victim turns to mush, and would go anywhere with Kyle... so it's rather unfortunate that the kid doesn't have a car and is about 16 years away from earning a learner's permit. Yet, that doesn't stop him from hitting on most people he sees. Age doesn't even matter. Sure, others would be robbing from the cradle, but to Kyle anyone's fair game. Just a few months ago, when we were having dinner with his great-grandmother, Kyle won over an entire senior community without even leaving the stroller.

We may, though, have to work on where Kyle does his flirting. Our kid is often up to no good in a place where being good tends to matter most - in church. When we're sitting in the pews, listening to readings from the Bible, Kyle is hunting through congregation for his next victim. Once he locks eyes with an unsuspecting parishioner, it's all over. The parishioner falls into the trap, and what once was a deep concentration in prayer has turned into smiles and waves. Kyle gets all excited and starts bouncing around (usually during a very solemn part of the service) and that's when one parent, tired of being kicked in the gut, hands him to another. Of course, that is all the better for the little guy, as he can now hunt down someone else.

I do worry, though, that he is leading some people down the wrong path. The bartender at a local restaurant is already calling him her boyfriend, and he seems to like it. He could be wailing through our dinner, but when she stops by he becomes charming, giving the big smiles and occasional laughs. He's totally playing with her. I just fear the day when she asks for some kind of commitment, and he has to break her heart because he doesn't know yet what "commitment" means.

(Dinner for two, perhaps?)

There are times, though, when Kyle's flirting does come in extremely handy. Not too long ago, as we were leaving our apartment, we ran into our landlady, who was complaining about something we might have done - I can't remember... maybe she didn't like me riding my motorcycle up the stairwell. Anyway, she kept going on and on and on, and we were starting to lose hope that we'd ever leave the building. But lo and behold: Kyle locked eyes with her, gave her a smile, and suddenly she was gushing about him. She apparently forgot what she was complaining about and wished us well on our journey.

Now if only we could get Kyle to help us negotiate the rent...