Kyle & The Gang

Kyle's been a bit rebellious lately. He's been refusing to nap, and at times he has made feeding time difficult by not opening his mouth. Sometimes when he's crawling around he tries to go into rooms he knows he's not supposed to enter. At first we thought it was simple rebelliousness, a harmless little phase confined to our own home. Yet it's apparently more than that. You can imagine our shock on Sunday when we drove past this graffiti in our neighborhood:



How do you explain that? I pulled Kyle aside and demanded that he tell me what this was all about. He feigned innocence by staring at me with a confused look on his face. He then tried to chew on my nose. The most I could get out of him was a "wah wah wah," which didn't help. He was merely giving the same story he used to explain how all his toys ended up out of the crib and on the floor.

The little guy must be getting out of our apartment at night. How? I don't know. We have the baby monitor watching him, and we have a pretty good security system: locks on the building's outside door, a couple locks on the door to the apartment itself, window locks, security cameras in the hallways, and a hungry, blood-thirsty rottweiler just outside Kyle's door. I believe it would be very difficult for someone to get in here once we lock up for the night. Getting out, apparently, is rather easy. So easy a baby can do it.

Of course, there is the slim chance that this was the work of someone else. The location seems to suggest that. The target of this graffiti was a restaurant that Jennifer and I went to before the little guy was born, but we haven't been there since. Babies at Kyle's age prefer to be in familiar places, so I was certain he wouldn't deface a restaurant he didn't know. But then a couple days ago I saw this at the local Starbucks:



I think there's no doubt who's behind this one. Kyle has been to this Starbucks many times. When I asked him about this graffiti, he simply blew a raspberry. This guy's tough to crack.

So I wondered if it's normal for a nearly nine-month-old child to act so rebellious, and sure enough I found this on a baby development website:

At this point, your baby can probably stand while holding onto furniture. He or she is learning how to walk and may even try a few steps. Chances are your child is also experiencing separation anxiety, except late at night, when he or she will likely leave your apartment and join a gang. Make sure you have enough money for bail.

Well, I suppose this is just a harmless phase, after all. There are plenty of babies in our neighborhood, so I'm thinking Kyle must be meeting with these kids at night, causing mischief by spray painting on storefronts, crawling through wet sidewalk cement, and gnawing on cars. No wonder his two teeth are so sharp.

Here's hoping this phase comes to an end before there's any baby gang diaper warfare or illicit formula deals on the street corners. Most of all, I just want the little guy to stop being rebellious and take his naps. His dad needs the time to take some naps himself.